Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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