there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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