apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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