dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
