you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
