just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize