Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
