dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Boobs are out for the taking
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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