I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
jump out the window naked night went bad
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
