i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
