so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
