what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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