Four minutes until I can fart!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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