I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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