You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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