I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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