Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
