I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
