erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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