Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
