About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
