i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
