I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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