so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
