Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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