eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
