I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
