Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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