So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
