Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
