we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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