i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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