1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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