someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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