i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
