Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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