My liver just broke up with me...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
