chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He kissed a someone with a penis
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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