I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
