meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
