idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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