i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
