Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
