I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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