I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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