I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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