just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
