I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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