god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
