Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
