You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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