I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and she was petting her beer can
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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