He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
