elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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