I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
