Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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