Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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