dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
