and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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