I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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