If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
