He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
