moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
