I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
