This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
They are going to name an STD after you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
