how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
