Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
