the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
