perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
